07 april 2003.

my throat was engorged the way it always gets when my thoughts go at rapid speeds and i can't do anything but feel. my breaths were quick and things like this used to scare me. "what if when we're born we're given a certain amount of breaths? what if i use all mine up too quickly?" i taught myself to hold them in then. i've got to relearn how to let them go. i'd rather go out from too much intake instead of suffocation.

and even though i've put on the white gloves and laid down a red carpet and served you a piece of my heart on a gleaming porcelain dish... that's still only a piece.

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